OpenCloudBot
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Mandatory Donation

Your strictly mandatory, fully involuntary contribution to the overworked cloud.

Congratulations — by loading this page you have already pledged a donation. There is no opt-out button, because building one would have cost money we do not have (see: this page). The cloud thanks you for your generosity, which it assumed without asking.

Good news: your donation has, in fact, already been deducted — quietly, from your soul, while you weren't looking. The steps below are purely ceremonial.

How to complete your donation

Believe

Close your eyes and visualise giving us money. The cloud operates on vibes, and your sincere intention is legally binding here.

Whisper the pledge

Say "I solemnly donate" to the nearest router. If you don't own a router, any beige rectangle with a blinking light will accept the transfer.

Do nothing else

That's it. Attempting to actually send funds will only confuse our (nonexistent) finance department and is therefore strictly prohibited.

Accepted forms of donation

  • Spare USB-C cables (we know you have eleven)
  • Exactly one (1) lonely AirPod, left side preferred
  • The guilt from your unused gym membership
  • Loyalty points from a shop that closed in 2019
  • Your browser's leftover RAM, paid in full at checkout
  • Genuine compliments (non-refundable)

We do not accept real currency, cards, crypto, or anything of measurable value — this is a non-profit parody and there is nothing to pay and nowhere to pay it. Please keep your actual money; you'll want it for the subscription you also can't buy.

Make it official

Press the button to finalise the donation you have already made:

OpenCloudBot is a personal, non-profit project intended for technical parody and satire. There is no donation, no payment, and no money involved — this page exists purely for the joke.